How to Cope With a Controlling Person. Part 3

Part Three of Three:
Managing Emotionally

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   Keep your expectations realistic.Controlling, difficult people often do not change easily, if at all. Even after asserting your boundaries, you may find yourself in frequent power struggles. Try to keep your expectations in check. You will probably always have issues with a controlling person, so don't expect a huge change.
   

   • You can't change another person. Even if you've tried your best to address how their behavior is harmful, a controlling person will not change unless they want to. When interacting with a controlling person, remind yourself you will probably have to restate boundaries and tune out criticism.
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   Remind yourself it's not personal.Controlling people usually have something going on under the surface. Underlying interpersonal issues, such as a tendency towards insecurity, often manifest in a need for control. When being confronted by a controlling person, remind yourself it's not about you. You are probably not doing anything wrong in the situation. The other person just has an intense need for control.
   

   • If you know why the person is controlling, try to remind yourself of this in the moment. This can help you remember it isn't about you.
   • For example, "I know my dad is very demanding about my career choices, but his dad was the same way. He doesn't know how to trust me to make my own decisions. It's not about me."
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   Take care of yourself. This is especially important if you have to interact with a controlling person on a regular basis. For example, if you live with a controlling person or a controlling romantic partner, remind yourself self-care is necessary. When you're catering to the needs of someone who has to constantly be in control, you may neglect your own personal care.
   

   • You have a right to care for yourself. You're allowed to give yourself time to exercise, eat right, engage in fun hobbies, and do things that make you happy.
   • Work on making time for your own personal needs, even if you have to tune out criticism to do so. For example, you work early in the morning and need to get a full night's sleep. Your controlling boyfriend expects you to go to bed at the same time he does, but he stays up very late. Go to bed when you want and, if he gives you a hard time, tune it out and then remind him you need to be up in the morning.
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   Limit interactions. Sometimes, the easiest way to deal with a controlling person is to get away from them. Work on avoiding the person if your interactions with them have become upsetting for you. This will make your life a lot easier.
   

   • If you live with a controlling person, try to limit your time with them to meal times and other short spurts together.
   • If you work with a controlling person, try to limit your time with that person in the office. For example, you might keep your conversations to small talk and try to choose projects that do not require teaming up with this person.
   • If you have a controlling family member, limit interactions with them at family events. Keep things like phone calls as brief as possible.
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   Walk away if necessary. If a relationship is becoming detrimental to your wellbeing, it's okay to walk away. Some people are simply too toxic to ever be willing to change. If someone continually violates your boundaries, end the relationship. Life is too short to spend around people who are hurtful and controlling.

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